Mark Twain once wrote: “Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out all the wrong words.” When I don’t feel like writing I look up writing quotes. I hope for inspiration but usually just wish I had thought of it first. That is when I get out a notebook and pen and try writing my own memorable writing quotes. They go something like this: “Writing is as hard as a two pound block of cheese sitting on a plate on top of the heat pump behind short attic door in your daughter’s bedroom. The gnaw marks are from when the cheese was soft or there is a very large rat living behind the other door.” Conclusion; writing is scary. That is not helping. How about this? “Each day a writer needs to use an allotted amount of words. If they do not exit the mouth, flow under the pen or plink onto a computer screen they pile up at the exit points and die of suffocation.” Now I need a distraction from imaging all those words gasping for air and crushing each other at the door of my imaginary Wal-Mart exit.
I pick up my Kindle and check my e-mail, wherein I discover I don’t even feel like weighing in on the current conversation amongst my writing group. They are venting their daily allotment of writing words with lots of capital letters and exclamation points. It is so loud I have to close up the e-mail and finger trot over to Candy Crush on my carousel. Since I am at level 107, five tries go supersonic fast. It will be two and a half hours before I can try again. What to do? What to do?
I know, I can hop on over to the Web on my Kindle and see how my two cookbooks are doing. Sigh. No sales again today. Now I know why I don’t feel like writing. I am not a writer. I am so discouraged I need a nap. If my nap lasts two hours and twenty five minutes I can have another go at Candy Crush.